Mom vs. Toddler: Perserverance Requires Focus on Long-term Goals

My 2 year old son loves his Buzz Lightyear action figure (it's not a doll--it's not!).  He likes to bring it with him when riding in the car.  He even sleeps with it at night.  He has watched the Toy Story 3 video more times than he can count.

The other day, my son hit his 5 year old sister with his Buzz Lightyear .  He was probably imitating the action he has seen on Toy Story 3, when one of the kids in the Caterpillar Room takes Buzz and treats him like a hammer.  However, in this case, the result was my 5-year old in tears. 

For this he got time out and I told my son in my "Mom" voice that he could not hit his sister with Buzz and that he had to apologize.  He refused.  He knew he was in trouble and tried to run away.  He also put on his sad, pity-me face.  When I told him to say he was sorry, he said, "No, and I'm not sorry eeder (either)."  I sat him down on my lap, made him look me in the eyes and told him, that if he did not say he was sorry, and if he hit people with his Buzz Lightyear, Buzz would have to go away.  This lead to more tears from him, but still, "no, and I am not sorry eeder."  I took Buzz away and hid him in a closet on a high shelf.  My son threw himself onto the floor and cried, "I want my Buzz..." in such a sad little voice too.  I again explained to him what behavior was required and then ignored his tears and left him on the floor.

During this whole series of events I felt some internal conflict because part of me could not help but react to his sad little face and the tears.  I felt bad taking away his favorite Buzz.  Part of me wanted to do whatever was needed to stop the tears.  But, I knew I could not let him fail to apologize for his behavior and reconcile with his sister.  If I gave in, sure, his tears would stop, but in the long term, he would not learn there were consequences to his behavior.  In addition, my daughter was watching this whole scene.  If I gave in, the lesson to her would be that I would allow someone to hurt her without consequences.  It would also show favoritism toward her brother.  It would also teach them both that tears and tantrums were a way to escape discipline.  So I had to resist that part of me that wanted to respond to my son's tears and sad, pitiful little voice. 

It took approximately 15 long minutes before he finally got up to apologize to his sister and give her a hug.  I could tell that my daughter was really pleased that discipline had been applied and that my son had come around and apologized for hitting her.  Peace and harmony had been restored.  Buzz was allowed to come back. I survived another parenting moment.  Whew.